Sunday, October 18, 2009

Life Goes On

You know, I started of writing about my year of caring for my mom and this morning I was going to write about my relationship with my dad, but I don't think that's where I want this to go. In Life gets Teejus I start out by saying life has really sucked for the last 2 years, I was very serious. But in order to not dwell on it, I will just recap.

Mom died 01 Jan 2009
Dad died 06 April 2009
MIL died 06 Sep 2009

And, unfortunately, I don't think we are done burying the elders yet this year. My adored step mom is not doing so well and I have an 80 year old step dad.

My older brother committed suicide in November 2006.

My family has sort of an odd perspective on death. We don't do elaborate funerals, we'd be much more prone to throw a party. As my step mom says "If you don't love and respect me when I am alive, what good can come from standing at the edge of a grave weeping?"

So we let them go and we move on. My doctor is sure I am depressed. I guess I have every right to be, but I am not so sure. I weep easy, but I always have. I think that's just me. I laugh every day (I have some wonderful co-workers) and I have no wish to withdraw from the world nor do I see doom and gloom everywhere. I do wish everything would slow down a bit and let me catch my breath, but that's about it.

I am cognizant that Manic Depression affects my family and I believe that it contributed to my brothers death. I know what to watch for, as does my husband, and while I am sure he thinks I am crazy as a jaybird, it's not a true mental health issue for me.

The picture is an old cabin near the graveyard where my husbands parents are buried (yeah, they are not quite of the same persuasion as my family is. The wailing and gnashing of teeth is somewhat of a cultural tradition). The house is obviously hand hewn and very old. It just spoke to me on so many levels. Every time we drive by it, I feel an urge to stop and acknowledge it.

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